Posted by Ryan
Todd put together a nice business presentation for Leslie. Todd must be serious — he’s wearing a suit and everything! It seems Todd won five cows in a game of poker, beating out some mentally challenged guy named Ricky who sucks at bluffing. Anyway, Todd thinks “The mouth of the people needs fresh meat!” and he wants Leslie to start selling fresh beef at the G&G.
Leslie likes Todd’s idea, and like a seed, Todd’s idea needs manure to grow. Someone needs to go No. 2 all over Todd’s idea. Like how customers can select live lobsters from an aquarium at the store, Leslie wants an “aquarium for cows” at the G&G. Customers can get “sushi-grade” beef — Mooshi! — from cows slaughtered right at the store. So Leslie and Todd enter a business romance, which Leslie calls a “bromance.”
Both Richard and Buck want off of work early tomorrow, but Leslie’s got big bromantic plans for Mooshi and can’t have both guys off at the same time. Leslie has to put on his jerk mask and use his jerk voice. Richard explains that he has an audition for a production of Lord of the Rings on Ice, and he needs Buck to give him a ride. Richard has a real chance to be Gollum. Leslie really loved Close Encounters on Ice, so he lets Richard and Buck go — now they too are involved in a bromance.
Leslie has a cow pen set up in the store, and Winnie the cow is happily grazing. Little does she know that Leslie and Todd have plans to slaughter her with machetes in front of the customers. (Reminds me a little of the end of Apocalypse Now.) Ingrid protests, claiming that they have to get approval from the USDA before doing any slaughterin’. “What does the USDA have to do with killing a cow, anyway?” Leslie asks.
At Richard’s audition, we get a glimpse of the competition. Francis, dressed in a flesh-colored skin-tight costume, looks like he’s really determined to get the Gollum part. Buck took it upon himself to paint Richard’s skates black, which doesn’t sit well with Richard. Richard ends up winning the role of an elf, and has to be Francis’ understudy.
Leslie and Todd go to the USDA office and meet with Miriam, who is a little too attractive and way too disinterested in agriculture to work for the USDA. She’d rather reminisce about her waitress-on-roller-skates days and do Mexican hat dances. Leslie invites Miriam to the G&G to see their operation before signing off on their Mooshi venture.
Back at the G&G, Leslie is taking the bromance a little too far. He’s now dressing like Todd and spraying himself with excessive amounts of AXE body spray. Thanks to AXE, Leslie is full of mojo.
Miriam visits the G&G and meets with Leslie and Todd on the break room couch to discuss business over wine coolers. Miriam likes to make clothes. Leslie likes to make doilies. Seriously, he makes thousands of them. He’s stacked with doilies. He also loves macramé. Leslie’s just not happy unless he’s tying knots. Sounds like an AXE commercial to me. Miriam digs Todd, but Leslie thinks this might turn into a threesome. They pile into Todd’s car, but Miriam tells Leslie to go back into the store to get more wine coolers. Of course Miriam and Todd ditch Leslie, who won’t be able to “triangulate it up” with them.
Next morning, Leslie feels dejected that his bro left him holding the wine coolers, even though Todd got Miriam to sign off on the USDA approval. Todd promises that if he gets another girl, he won’t have sex with her without Leslie. They must now slaughter the cow to save the bromance, but no one can do it, and Winnie is spared.
Richard’s ready to go on as an elf in Lord of the Rings on Ice, but suddenly Francis crawls through the door, crying. It seems someone whacked him in the knee (“Tonya Hardinged him”) with a crowbar, and Richard turns out to be absolutely precious as Gollum after all.
Employee of the Week: Todd. From his opening presentation to his scoring the USDA approval for Mooshi, this episode was all about the Todd.
Best Moment: Todd tells Leslie to buy medium-sized condoms, but to put them in a large-sized box.
Product Placement: AXE body spray. For any, you know, unforeseen opportunities.