Posted by Ryan
So, come back for more Hurl!, have you? You sicko.
Let’s meet the contestants for the second installment, “Flamethrowupper”: Chris, a cable guy; Bob, a waiter/musician; Logan, a window washer; Duy, a beach bar host; and Ryan, a college student and pizza delivery man.
These guys will face seven pounds of cream of spinach soup. But apparently, no one really told anyone about the rules (Rules? What rules?), because Chris just dives into the soup hands-first before the clock even starts. Relax, Chris, you’ll have plenty of time to make an ass out of yourself. The contestants will be washing their soup down with milk (it’s organic!). Some choose to use the spoon, others use their hands, and Bob just decides he’s going to pour the soup straight into his mouth. Chris prefers Technique #71: The Double Shovel.
Bob’s mom is in the audience. Congrats, lady, you raised a fine son. Bob gets thrown by an extra-long spinach leaf in his soup. He takes a step back and some soup comes out of his mouth, but since it wasn’t swallowed, it’s not considered a hurl. Duy learns a little too late that the spoon isn’t going to cut it, and he switches to Technique #12: The Scoop. Chris likes to talk smack, using Strategy #22: The Badger and Strategy #27: The Gross-Out. He’s got a big lead, so he can afford to talk instead of eat. Duy counters Chris’ attacks with Strategy #14: The Fake Out, pretending to hurl. Ryan tries Strategy #186: The Cliff Diver, just holding your nose and pouring it in.
Time’s up, and Logan’s in first with 3.5 pounds of soup, Chris put away 3.1 pounds and Bob packed in 2.7 pounds. Ryan and Duy are eliminated. Now it’s on to the Flamethrower! Each remaining contestant will get five minutes in the Flamethrower carnival ride, facing 1.5 Gs of force on their bodies and the soup within them. Bob likes singing and making noise, while Logan just keeps thinking of the $1,000 instead of the urge to spew. Chris becomes the first to show signs of cracking, and he gets a Hurl Warning! He’s pinching his nose and closing his eyes and trying to keep it in. He’s really struggling, but he pulls away from the edge … for a few moments. With only 11 seconds left in the Flamethrower, Chris gives up a 2-Bucket hurl, upside down so the puke actually looks like it’s going up on the Vomit Cam. Chris “The Beast” has been slain.
Bob and Logan must now devour tuna casserole (it’s organic!) and have four minutes to eat as much as you can. Bob must have something against tuna, because he’s really afraid of the stuff. Bob’s in bad shape with this stuff, and Logan’s talking trash. (Here’s the part I don’t get in the show: With only two guys left, is there any reason to eat more food than the other guy?) Bob gets three Hurl Warnings before unleashing a 4-Bucket ralph, making Logan the winner.
Disappointing episode. You’d have liked to see Bob put up a better fight against the tuna casserole (it’s organic!) and force another ride in the Flamethrower. And only two hurls. Weak.