While the guys are all at The Drunken Clam comparing driver’s license photos and discovering that Quagmire is 61 years old (carrots), FOX News comes on with its hot new anchorwoman, Rhonda, and the guys drool over her for a while. When FOX announces that it’s going HD, Peter gets an enormous new HDTV, and it turns out that HD Rhonda is a hag. She’s fired. Lois wants the job, despite Brian’s moral objections about working for a fake news network that’s in the Republican party’s pocket. Lois’ audition goes so well that she gets the job. She runs home as fast as she can to “I’ve Got a Golden Ticket” and trips on the sidewalk, doing Peter’s “hsssssst…aaaaaaaah…hsssssst…aaaaaaah….” for a while.
In order to allay Brian’s suspicions about FOX News’ credibility as a news organization, Lois invites him to her first day of work. While they’re gone, Peter convenes Meg and Chris in the living room to come up with a cartoon that they can pitch to FOX using Lois as an in. Right off the bat, Chris comes up with an idea for a show about a bunch of disabled ducks, called Handi-Quacks. Peter loves it, and he and Chris run with it while Meg detracts from the conversation with her inability to get the show.
Back at FOX, Lois’ first assignment is to do an exposé on one of America’s greatest enemies: Michael Moore. She’s to find out whether he’s gay, confirming Brian’s belief that FOX is out to smear anyone who disagrees with Republican ideology. On her stakeout, Lois sees Rush Limbaugh leaving Michael Moore’s house in the middle of the night, and takes the footage to her boss, who kills the story because it would make Rush look bad. Brian encourages Lois to do the story, because now instead of hurting Michael Moore, it hurts Rush Limbaugh. They go back to the Moore mansion and see Rush go in, take his clothes off and get on the bed. But when they leap in through the window and start asking questions, they find that Rush is a costume Michael Moore wears: Michael Moore made Rush up. But it’s not over! Turns out Michael Moore is also a costume, and Fred Savage is the man behind the rubber suit (as well as those of Tony Danza, Camryn Manheim, Malcolm-Jamal Warner, John Forsythe and Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich).
In short, Fred Savage is the greatest actor in the world! Which is all he ever wanted people to know.
Meanwhile, Peter pitches his pencil-sketch animation of Handi-Quacks to a guy at FOX who wants to do the show with one tiny change. Peter blows his stack, inspiring the guy with his passion. The FOX man agrees to do the show as is, but Peter in his usual idiocy turns down the offer.
• Stewie playing in the tv box: “Look, I’m an Iraq War vet in 10 years.”
• Mayor West reacting to Rhonda in HD: “I’ll get all of the A’s out of my body—AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!”
• Peter scratching his crotch while playing a corpse on Law & Order.
• The noise only Al Gore can hear.
• Fred Savage to his The Wonder Years narrator: “I don’t need you anymore!”
NEXT WEEK IS THE STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION REUNION SHOW! Sorry to go all capslock on you there, but I’m excited. And there’s a conference call with executive producer David Goodman tomorrow that I’ll be blogging about, so stay tuned!