By Lori Acken
Apparently the mother lode of excitement that was the recent Bachelorette — what with its bragging girlfriend-haver Wes, toe-lovin’ Tanner, controversial winner Ed, and a host of relentlessly returning cast-offs — was just a little too much for ABC.
It’s the only reason I can think of to explain why — after taunting us Bachelor faithful with potential promises of Romeo-in-blue-jeans Reid or Ken-Doll-come-true Kiptyn as Season 14′s one for the roses — they up and settled for snoozy, milquetoast, tattletale Jake.
C’mon now, Alphabet — and sorry Jake’s mom — but surely you know this here is the kind of guy us girls, even us good girls, even us girls who didn’t have boys lined up on our doorstep, ditched out on the minute someone else came courting?
The guy doesn’t even come with an adorable back story like previous nice guy, single dad Jason (although I hope for the net’s sake, your sake and most of all, mine, that he eventually exhibits a deep-rooted, semi-redeemed mean streak like Jay-bird did in the now legendary Season 13 reunion special).
Also, he’s not a rich dude, so say goodbye to the suh-weet scrappin’ of a houseful of gussied-up gold-diggers.
And beyond that, the guy is a pilot, so he’s already guaranteed not to be home when a gal needs him (although the ensuing travel privileges are one for the win column.) And beyond THAT, he IS willing to skip out on the job to go niggle an ex about another guy.
Not cool in this particular job market, Buster!
To tune in. Not to tune in. To tune in. Not to tune in.
Eh. For now, I believe I’ll opt for the former … if only to check out what is sure to be a couple dozen women with their eye on becoming the next Bachelorette.
The new season of The Bachelor premieres in January.
Photo: Kevin Foley/ABC