By Tom Comi
A big part of being married is making concessions, and I have to admit that the biggest one I make is watching Project Runway with my wife.
Don’t get me wrong, the Lifetime reality show that premieres tonight (9pm ET) can be quite entertaining. I just have no clue what they are talking about more often than not. I don’t sew, I would never buy the style of clothes they make (on the rare occasion that something is designed for a man) and I don’t understand the lingo at all (I thought Avant Garde was an actress from the ’30s).
So for all you other married men who are in the same boat I am, here is my guide on how best to enjoy a show you can’t for the life of you understand.
Ignorance Is Bliss: Never under any circumstance attempt to understand what makes for good fashion. The stuff you like the most will get butchered by the judges, and the items you think would make Elton John blush are the ones that end up taking top honors. Fashion like so many things is subjective, so there is honestly no rhyme or reason to what is good and what isn’t. The more you hate it, the sooner you will probably see it on sale at Macy’s.
Loaded Gunn: Learn to appreciate Tim Gunn, because he is Project Runway‘s true star. I have no idea what he is saying most of the time when he gives the contestants feedback on their creations, but I still trust him as an authority on fashion. Heidi Klum might want to pretend she is the face of the show, but we all know better.
Cat Fight!: Fashion designers can be very temperamental, and that gets amped up even more when they are on a tight deadline and sleep deprived. Put a bunch of them in a room together, and it’s only a matter of time before spats break out and nervous breakdowns occur. I honestly couldn’t care less about the designs, so I live for these precious moments.
Fatal Attraction: Do not become attracted to one of the female contestants. While I’m sure some of them can be nice outside of the show, this competition will bring out the very worst in them. Case in point: I really found Season 8 winner Gretchen Jones to be cute and unassuming in the first episode; by week 4, I found her to be one of the most arrogant and condescending contestants in Project Runway history and hoped she would fall victim to a horrible sewing machine accident.
Keep To Yourself: Trying to make small talk with your spouse about the show will really do nothing to advance your relationship, so just sit there and take your medicine like a man. I initially attempted to discuss the fashion with my wife until I realized I really had nothing worthwhile to contribute and — no offense, honey — I honestly didn’t care to learn more on the subject from her. To demonstrate you are semi-interested, just throw out random comments like “Wow, she’s really a bitch!” or “Yikes, who would wear that?”
Good luck!: You’ll need it.