Wait, what? Season finale? Already? After only six episodes? <sigh> I suppose I can soothe myself with the notion that we have an all-new season of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding starting up next week. But still. I’m going to miss me my Mellie and “Nenny” and the other Gypsy Sisters.
Speaking of Mellie, she’s on her way to a job interview, because she says she doesn’t trust Robbie to support her and the baby. And she says it right to Robbie’s face because he is chauffeuring her to the interview. And that’s not her only bone to pick with her husband. Seems he hasn’t come to a one of her doctor appointments either, even though she tells him about everyone.
Then she wants to know if he’ll make an appearance at the baby shower that Nettie is throwing for her. Robbie says he wants to come, but he doesn’t want to be a joke to her family, which Mellie lets happen. They get into it a little about how their past behavior makes them both joke-worthy and Robbie says they need to let bygones be bygones or they’re never going to make it. Mellie will let bygones be bygones right after we watch a couple of cellphone vids capturing her hair-pulling battle with one of Robbie’s ex-girlfriends, with whom she’s pretty sure he was cheating. But she’s never going to trust him.
Meanwhile, Kayla, Nettie and Laura meet at gorger Hathir’s to talk about their clothing business. Hathir is tasked with bringing their creations to life, which is going to be some kind of task. Kayla says she wants to make the kind of kids clothes that they have to create for their own children, because the stores don’t sell such things. For example: bustiers for babies that look like angel wings … only in the front. The back will lace up. That should be fun to nap in.
Because she is venturing into such uncharted territory, Hathir wants the ladies to sketch out their ideas, so if she makes a creation and they have a problem with it, she has their sketches for evidence. Unfortunately for Hathir, no one here is an artist. From the looks of it, Laura wants her to make a crown of thorns and Nettie a maypole. Mercifully, Hathir is visionary and says she can work with what they’ve drawn.
Mellie is walking across a parking lot toting a baby seat, so I’m guessing she’s done with her interview and doing a little shopping. Plus, she’s getting into a car, even though Robbie dropped her off, so I’m not sure what exactly happened here. In any case, she also gets a call from Mr. Collins who says he’s found papa Beetlejuice. He wants to meet for coffee to discuss his findings.
After she hangs up, Mellie says she will never leave her child like her dad left her. Then she drives off with the baby seat still on the roof of the car … and then in the street. Better now than when there’s a kid in it, no?
At Kayla’s, she is giving the newly-in-love Danielle gypsy housewife training, just in case of spontaneous marriage. For us Gypsy Wedding veterans, the revelations that the smell of bleach is like perfume for gypsies, and that apple cider vinegar in the dishwasher makes glass sparkle is not new. Using furniture polish to make stainless steel appliances shine is a new one on me though. Kayla says Danielle will make an excellent gypsy house frau.
Mellie tricks Nettie into coming to the coffee meeting with Mr. Collins, because she doesn’t want to do it alone. Nettie says that out of all of her stepdads, Mellie’s dad was the best one she had and that she had fun with him. She thinks Mellie’s hesitation about meeting him stems from her fear of being rejected by him again. While they wait for Mr. Collins, Mellie says her job interview didn’t quite go as planned and Nettie says she doubts Mellie will ever have a full-time job. A non-stripping one, anyway.
When Mr. Collins arrives, he tells the ladies that sometimes you’re better off without certain people in your life, but Nettie protests that Beetlejuice was a decent guy. Mr. Collins begs to differ and produces Beetlejuice’s rap sheet as evidence.
Instead, the rap sheet makes Nettie happy because she says that Mellie’s dad and their mom were another Bonnie and Clyde, going from town to town and pillaging them, and the charges on the rap sheet match the ones they faced when they were caught. So yay! We’ve got the right guy!
Nettie says the reason she’s shrugging off the domestic violence charges he received for abusing her mom are no big deal because all gypsies have at least one domestic violence charge. They’re fighters. What do you expect?
Mellie tells Nettie to call daddy dearest, so she does. When she gets his voicemail, she tells him to return her call or she and Mellie will just show up out of the blue.
Mr. Collins has additional news. Mellie will be doing her first weekend in prison at the end of the month. Nettie is indignant and says Mellie needs anger management classes, not jail.
To blow off some steam, Kayla, Mellie and Annie have a girls’ night out, only this one with sodas. They discuss the baby, clothes and Nettie barging in on Kayla’s clothing business. Just then, Nettie calls and says she wants to plan a tubing trip for the kids. Mellie says she and Dallas should be invited, too, since they have kids in utero, but Nettie says no. Then Mellie tells Nettie what Kayla said about her barging in on the business and Kayla knows there’s trouble a’brewing.
There sure is. Nettie wants to know what kind of theme Mellie wants for her baby shower. Mellie suggests some rated-R decorations, so Nettie says she’ll just do it herself. Then the pair revisits the previous night’s conversation, and Nettie says Mellie should have defended her. Mellie decides she’s right and calls Kayla to pull a better-late-than-never. Probably better never … but it’s too late now. The two households are off to the verbal races.
Yelling. Yelling. Yelling. In front of scowling children in Hello Kitty jammies. Kayla says the hell with it — Nettie can have the damned business because she’s done with her. And she’s not going on any tubing trip ‘neither.
Next day, Nettie, Mellie and Dallas take the kids to Bryce Resort themselves. Though the place clearly made their snow, you can still see everyone’s breath — but Mellie decides to go down the hill in the bikini top she just so happens to be wearing. Of course she does.
The family has a wonderful time, and Mellie appears to have avoided a case of frostbite..
Next day, only Nettie shows for a scheduled meeting with Hathir. Hathir calls Kayla to see where she and Laura are and the duo say they’re not coming and that Nettie can have the business. Nettie’s just fine with that. She wants to see a newborn in a corset full of bling. Um, ow. Owie. Corset onesie? Bustiersie?
Mellie is headed to the doctor for her first sonogram. Mellie says Robbie wants a boy, but she doesn’t care as long as he’s healthy. Meantime, Nettie has planned the shower for a boy —she doesn’t need any doctor to tell her she’s right. Turns out she is right. Mellie has it painted on her torso, complete with boxing gloves on her boobs. Then Mellie tells Nettie that she made up with Kayla and Laura, so she has to make nice at the shower.
Oh Lordie. Baby Demi is actually wearing a baby bustier, which is pretty much a pink satin cummerbund on the wobbly tot. The other little girls model the outfits Hathir brings with her and everyone is momentarily happy.
Much to everyone’s surprise, except those of us who saw it on the commercials, Robbie shows up at the shower. Everyone is pleased as punch. The cake is in the shape of boxing gloves, just like the ones painted on Mellie’s na-nas. Nettie says everyone knows that Mellie can’t see a cake without shoving some in somebody’s face and she’s right. Robbie gets a mush full of frosting and chocolate crumbs.
At the shower, the talk turns to Mellie’s dad and Nettie and Kayla seem to bury the hatchet over the prospect of a road trip to find the slacker. Mellie decides now is the perfect time to let everyone know the adventure will have to wait because she’s off to prison.
Nettie isn’t impressed. Seems she once gave birth and then immediately went to prison for 72 days. She says Mellie just wants attention. Mellie says she knows she isn’t Robbie’s dream girl and he’s not her ideal man, but she’ll make the best of it because of the baby.
Next day, Kayla delivers Mellie to the pen as Nettie reminisces about everything they’ve been through over the course of the last six episodes. And then she promises the Gypsy Sister drama has only just begun.