Duck Dynasty airs Wednesdays at 10pm ET on A&E.
Just a single helping of Robertson shenanigans tonight, I’m afraid. That’s OK, though, there was actually some other Duck Dynasty-related news Wednesday, so still a pretty good day for the bearded ones.
“Ring Around the Redneck”
We start in the unlikely location of a jewelry store, because 20-some years ago Jase lost his wedding ring. And Missy thinks it’s high time he got a replacement. (Hey, with all that TV money rolling in, why not?) He’s reluctant, to say the least, but ends up with the most plain, unadorned band he can find. But not before putting his foot in his mouth big-time with Missy, complaining that he doesn’t need a wedding ring because there’s only a dozen or so women in the world, probably ex-cons, who would be interested. Missy’s all like, “Well, what does that say about me?” For one of the few times in the whole series, Jase is absolutely flustered, realizing his mistake.
But apparently Jase hasn’t learned much about ring care in the past 20-plus years, since he ends up back at the warehouse using the ring as a spinner. As the fellas give him crap about Missy calling the shots, he tells them how he lost his first ring while he was out frog hunting. Willie comes in, and is happy to see everybody for once, because this time it’s Jase who is the butt of the jokes. He happily joins in, saying that today Missy made him get a wedding ring, and tomorrow it’ll be a fanny pack. (Note: Duck Commander brand fanny packs would probably be big hits.)
So, yeah, despite his admitting to having lost the last ring out hunting, Jase decided he should bring his new ring with him to the next day’s duck hunt. Now, I especially liked this segment because it showed the Robertson guys — Jase, Willie, Si and Phil — actually duck hunting. Not just going out and getting into some wacky adventure, but actually practicing their techniques, firing their guns and bagging a few birds. OK, you don’t actually see any of the bird carcasses, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Yet after that first barrage of bullets, Jase tells everybody he’s lost his ring. In the swamp. I’m reminded of that Jack Handey Deep Thought, which advised someone who drops their keys into a river of molten lava to just let ‘em go, “Because, man, they’re gone.” That seems to be the prevailing opinion amongst the group, but Si gives Jase an unlikely bit of hope by telling him he’s got a metal detector they can use to look for the ring.
Hey, you’re never going to believe this, but Si gets a little sidetracked in his mission. Jep and Martin accompany him to his house, which Jep says is the Robertson family equivalent of Area 51 — a sprawling estate that would be the envy of any garden-variety hoarder. Honestly, though, the place didn’t look all that bad. Then again, that’s maybe because I was thinking of actual episodes of Hoarders while looking at it. They finally find the metal detector, but before they’re off the property Si is spinning a tale about some old Vietnam currency buried in his backyard. Not helping matters is that the Vietnam currency is called the “dong,” which awakens Jep and Martin’s inner 12-year-old. He’s convinced that if they dig up the dongs — tee hee — they’ll be worth “500 times more” than they were when he buried them. And hey, Si will split the earnings 50/50, three ways.
Si takes a more supervisory role as Martin and Jep break a sweat digging for the dongs. When they finally do hit paydirt, it turns out to be just dirt. The tin can full of money is not old Vietnamese dongs but just plain old nickels, dimes and quarters. Sorry, Si, just because they were made back in 1973 doesn’t make them worth any more money.
When it becomes apparent that they’re not going to see Si or his metal detector anytime soon, Willie convinces Jase to make up for losing the ring by getting a “ring” tattooed on his finger. Yet at the tattoo shop, the heretofore non-tatted-up Jase is getting the heebie-jeebies. Guy doesn’t like needles. He gets further rattled when the rather large, camo-clad tattoo store owner comes back with some possible designs for the tattoo, and one of them says, “Misty.” But Jase realizes what awaits him should Missy find out about the lost ring, so he’s willing to go through with getting a tattoo (preferably one with the right name on it). But lo and behold, just as they’re about to make it all official, Jase digs into his pocket and — shocker of shockers — finds the wedding ring! How about that? It had been with him the whole time. So, OK, his pride got hurt a little bit, but at least it wasn’t because of a needle.
Jase (shopping for a ring): “It’s like I’m looking at fishing lures without hooks.”
Jase: “Why do I need a ring? When women see me, they run. I’m picking creatures out of my beard on a frequent basis.”
Martin (about Si): “It is pretty creepy thinking he’s sitting here amongst us and he’d rather be nekkid.”
Si: “They all quack!”
Jep (about Si’s house): “It makes a crack house look like a penthouse.”
Best Segment Title
Photo: © 2011 Credit: Art Streiber