Duck Dynasty airs 10pm Wednesdays on A&E.
While it was fun to see the Robertson clan glam it up at the Academy of Country Music Awards over the weekend, it sure was nice to get back to normal and see the Duck Dynasty folks back in their natural habitat. And with a Si-centric episode to boot. Still no word on that pesky salary negotiation for Season 4, though. Hopefully that bit of business will take care of itself soon. OK, on with this week’s Duck Dynasty recap:
The first words we hear in this episode are “Don’t Taze me, bro,” which, I dunno, is usually something you hear toward the end of a discussion, right? Well, it’s a bit ominous as the warehouse crew is on edge as Si fools around with his new toy, a Tazer that he found with a security kit that had been lying around. He’s pointing the laser target at everybody willy nilly, each of them terrified that the crazy uncle is going to unleash 50,000 volts on them. There’s also a pair of handcuffs and a club, and Si is going all Cartman in letting his newfound athori-tah show. Speaking of willy nilly, Willie soon comes in and bums everyone out by announcing that the annual human-resources seminar is tomorrow … a Saturday. Cue the groans, which sound not dissimilar from a third-grade class hearing they have homework over the weekend.
The HR rep — a seemingly nice woman named T.C. — comes in to a less-than-receptive audience, her crisp business attire a sharp contrast to the camouflage and flannel on display. She has about as much chance of controlling the room as a substitute teacher on the day before Christmas break. They seem to make it through the obligatory “how to treat your coworkers with respect” video before they start yawning, spitballing and going off on tangents. But Jase and Si actually get into a relevant discussion when Jase comments that occasionally Si displays some “idiotic behavior.” T.C. calls Jase out for bullying, but he insists it’s more in the vein of “observational humor.” You know, like Seinfeld. Si, however, plays the victim card to the hilt, even mentioning how they give him crap about his hemorrhoids. Jase doesn’t try to defend himself there, just giving a sly “what’s a guy supposed to do?” shrug. Then there’s the inevitable discussion about how Si uses vapor rub to treat the, um, condition, and thanks to a really unnecessary question from Martin, that he uses a Q-Tip as an applicator.
Si fights back, though, when after one too many smart comments from Willie he takes his handcuffs and slaps one end on Willie and one on himself. (There’s another situation to cross off the old sitcom list.) Jase searches in vain for a key, and he’s not at all unhappy to find there isn’t one, meaning Willie and Si are going to have to act out their own version of The Defiant Ones for the next little bit. The guys then take it upon themselves to make the experience as miserable as possible for Willie (Si doesn’t care, right?), so Jase tries to cut through it with a dull saw while Jep gets out a blowtorch, all of which just results in getting Willie’s dander up.
Eventually, this all ends where we know it must, with one of the handcuffed men having to relieve himself. That would be Si, who apparently drank one too many glasses of tea. They pull over to the side of the road — it just says “No Dumping,” nothing about peeing — and Si finally is able to answer nature’s call as Willie leans away in mortification while Jase surreptitiously takes some video. (He says he’s going to put it on YouTube, but darned if I found any.)
The trio eventually make their way to Phil and Kay’s house, where Phil supposedly has some bolt cutters that will set them free. But nobody’s home when they get there, just prolonging Willie’s agony. Where are they, you ask? Well, that’s where this episode’s B story comes into play.
Earlier at Phil and Kay’s house, we saw Kay drying the laundry out on the line, pioneer-woman style, and telling Phil she thinks they ought to get a trampoline for the grandkids. Phil mumbles his basic disagreement, then Korie and Missy show up, see Kay batting the laundry in the air and tell her she needs to get a new dryer. Phil bristles at the idea, but Miss Kay is completely onboard. She eventually uses her feminine wiles — or “a little honey on the biscuits,” as she puts it — to change Phil’s mind.
Unfortunately, getting to the right store might prove a little more difficult, as Miss Kay’s directions are of the “turn right,” “turn right” and “look for the building with a lot of windows.” This leads to a frustrating day of driving absolutely nowhere until they decide to cut their losses and head back home — where the curious trio of Jase and a handcuffed-together Willie and Si await.
Phil says the last time he saw the bolt cutters, Jase had lent them to somebody, a fact Jase apparently just plum forgot. So at the family dinner to close the episode, Willie and Si are still handcuffed together, but seem to be having more fun with the situation. As we fade to black, Jase asks Willie what he’d think if he told him he had the keys the whole time. His answer is something about Jase being a freaking dead man.
Jase: “Si, you don’t have to be armed to be considered dangerous.”
Jase: “It’s funny as long as everybody lives.”
Si: “Look here, I bet the people that built the pyramids, hey, they didn’t have to work on Saturday.”
Si: “What kind of name is HR?”
Phil: “I wonder what they do when I’m not around.”
Best Segment Title
OK, I usually just try to pick the best one, but this week was awful generous. And I’m a sucker for a pun.
“Tazed and Confused”
“HR Cuffin Stuff”
“Tie Me Up, Si Me Down”
“It’s Not You, It’s Pee”