Duck Dynasty recap: “John Luke After Dentist”

Like any good Duck Dynasty recap, this one starts out with Si making a strange noise. Turns out he’s blowing up an inflatable pillow, which is just one of the plethora of items he’s packing up to take with him on his trip to Virginia to see the birth of his grandchild. As Jase remarks, the man looks like he’s packing to go to China for a month instead of a short trip a few states over. Si also apparently will be using the soothing sounds of whale songs for relaxation, and of course he can’t resist mimicking the beautiful creatures’ call in his own way. Soon enough, the whole warehouse is joining in, and that’s of course when Willie appears.

The CEO takes it in stride, though, because he knows this is just one example of the thing he might be avoiding while Si is gone. It’s the classic addition by subtraction method, and he figures Si’s absence will give him the chance to see just how counterproductive his uncle really is. That said, Willie is in no hurry to crack the whip right away. When Si is out the door he leisurely pulls up a chair and joins in the warehouse laze, tossing some Rolos he pilfered from Si to a waiting Godwin. He’s just relaxing a bit before he has to take John Luke and Sadie to the dentist, where they both are getting their wisdom teeth taken out. He’s looking forward to seeing how wacky they act after being put under.

But c’mon, you knew the warehouse boys would find something to distract them. Jase comes in with this week’s crisis, a faulty freezer that has stopped working and let all the meat they’ve put in it from hunting season spoil. Their reactions to seeing the ruined carcasses and smelling the accompanying stench make for pretty good TV, although it can be bad if you’re one of those viewers who empathizes a little too much and can end up smelling it yourself. I’d advise just skipping that part then.

The queasy reactions continue at the dentist’s office, where Willie thinks he’s going to take advantage of Sadie’s wooziness by treating it like truth serum and asking her questions about her love life. But that all changes when he starts seeing all the bloody pieces of gauze and the genteel dentist ripping at his little girl’s mouth like he’s using the back of a hammer to pull out a nail.

As for the post-anesthetic wackiness, John Luke wins that contest by a Louisiana mile. The kid comes out of the surgery shaking his head around like Stevie Wonder and mumbling all sorts of nonsense, most of it pretty sassy. He even grabs the dentist’s spray gun and waters the office a little bit. Willie is enjoying his usually quiet son’s new personality, as is Korie, who eagerly records everything for purposes of future social embarrassment.

It’s all modeled after that famous viral video, “David After Dentist,” which I’ve never really been a fan of. It’s fine for Duck Dynasty to do it, they signed up for a reality show, after all. But that kid never had a choice. Hope you wanted to be known your entire life for something that happened when you were 7, kid! Just because your dad thought it would be a hoot. OK, descending from soapbox …

Jase and Jep are wretching while cleaning out the freezer (which still has some ice in it, suspiciously … hmm) until Phil makes a rare appearance at the warehouse looking for recruits to help him get rid of some cottonmouths on his property. So the old man agrees to haul the rancid pile of meat in exchange for their help. The most convenient dumpster turns out to be the one at their church, but the guys are a little concerned about that No Dumping sign. Jase is actually worried about a camera he sees nearby. Yeah, that’s right. He’s worried about a camera. While filming a reality show. Hmm.

Anyhoo … They end up punting on the idea and trying their luck at a Mexican restaurant, hoping to throw out their nasty payload with whatever the eatery is disposing of that day. They go inside and try to talk to the manager, but end up grabbing some chips and salsa and being serenaded by a mariachi band. Not sure how they could be hungry after being around all that fetid meat, but hey, the stomach wants what it wants.

After all that, though, the restaurant refuses to let them dump the meat. So off they go again, and Jase calls Alan for reinforcement, asking if maybe they could dispose of it in his community’s dumpster. Alan suggests they go to the church instead. Phil has a laugh, but he stops laughing when he tells the camera that maybe Jase and Jep ought to walk home.

And hey, just when I thought we weren’t going to get to see Miss Kay this episode, we see her at the house making a milkshake and singing, no fooling, “Milkshake.” Not a song I want to hear her singing, or see her dance to. There’s a little bit left, regarding the guys coming into the house reeking of spoiled meat, and the usual prayer and narration, but how about I just leave you with that image?

Best Lines

“Did I not tell you that would gag a maggot on a gut wagon?” — Jase

“They put a man on the moon, for crying out loud. Can they not figure out a way to extract teeth without a bloodbath?” — Willie

“Don’t ask me why throwing up should be a shared experience.” — Jase

“I’m eagle powers. Shmoop.” — John Luke

Best Segment Titles

“Leavin’ on a ‘Jack!’ Plane”

“Meat Me In Stank Louis”

“Queasy Does It”

“The Reek Shall Inherit the Earth”

“No Country For Old Meat”

Duck Dynasty Jase A&E

© 2013 Credit: Karolina Wojtasik

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