Dating Naked Episode 9 Recap: Sean and Juliet

Tonight, it’s Dating Naked episode 9 and two more hopefuls search for love by going on a series of naked dates. Let’s hope this week’s guy is a better judge of character than last week’s Mike, who claimed he was over dating party girls and ends up with, a stripper-y party girl. (And I might add for helium-voiced Stephanie, if you’re going to appear on TV wearing baby pink lipstick, perhaps  check out Crest WhiteStrips. Pink is a tricky color to wear if your teeth are yellow.)

But let’s worry about this week, because last week is old news.

 

Juliet
from Essex, England.
Professional dancer and dance instructor. (i.e. Vegas showgirl) Love her accent! She seems like a woman who is a lot of fun.

Sean
Lives in Florida
Defense contractor and former marine. Sean likes to travel and thinks he’s noy only a catch, but a good guy and a good package. He’d rather “wait it out” than settle for a girl he’s “pleased” with. And, once he meets his first date, he says he’d rather date Amy.

Why does Sean have a terrible tummy tattoo? That’s the kind of tattoo that a female stripper would have. And, according to Juliet, he has a small man-member.

Date #1
Dating Naked Epsiode 9Their date is zorbing. Which is something that was done in Episode 1 by Wee Wee and Joe, but this time there’s 2 zorbs and they have to race! The winner gets a romantic prize. Sean is competitive and when he losses the race, he plays poor sport and rolls Juliet around in her zorb. Juliet calls him a “wanker,” but I call him an a-hole.

Juliet’s prize is a romantic massage (which she so adorably pronounces MASS-saj) which Sean is terrible at giving; but I’m sure he’d tell you how awesome he is at giving massages. Here are some other “awesome” things that Sean will tell you about himself: He is fluent in Spanish and he ran a marathon. Big. Whoop. And he cuts Juliet off every time she puts a word in edgewise. He’s only interested in himself. And then he calls her “Julia.”

Juliet calls it an early night; she didn’t care for Sean and was excited for her next date.

Date #2
Juliet meets Cole another LA-based Brit, so now they’re accent twins! And even better, they actually know each other!!!!
Cole describes himself as, “frankly disturbing and weird.” In other words, he’s hysterical.

Juliet has never been attracted to Cole, but she thinks he’s a fun guy. Juliet, I speak from experience, friends can turn to lovers easier than you think. Trust me!! I’ve been boning my best friend for 18 years and if he wasn’t my hilarious pal first, it would have never happened.

 

Dating Naked Episode 9
Lovey’s headband: not so lovely.

Sean meets Lovey, a beautiful woman who claims that she hasn’t met my right because she’ hasn’t been looking in the right places. She has a similar sun tattoo to Sean’s tummy tat, so either they’re perfect to each other, or they both have terrible taste in tattoos. (I PICK OPTION #2) Lovey’s also wearing a headband that is unfortunate. She calls it “Tropical.” But it’s more Greek islands 500 B.C. And, I’m pretty sure I heard Sean called Lovey, “Lovely” at least once.

While they ride a pedal-taxi (Sean is pumping and Lovey is relaxing,) Sean says “There’s too much weight in the front.” Lovey may weigh about 100 pounds, so obviously all of this moderate exercise has caused Sean to suffer a stroke. In her interview, Lovey’s no longer wearing her ridiculous head thing and she looks so much cuter.

Over with the Brits, their date is naked canoeing. A bare fanny getting intimate with a hand carved canoe seems like an open invitation for hiney splinters and Cole says, ”being naked in a canoe felt like I was escaping from some sort of sex prison.” I love him right down to his British smile.

Cole and Juliet are perfect for each other, and they can understand what each other is saying. Once they’ve canoed, they jump on a trampoline which is a bouncing, flopping good time. I feel like I’m watching a romantic comedy and I just want to cut to the end so I can see their happily ever after.

Lovey loves to love and be loved, if you know what I mean, but she thinks Sean is standoffish, so he won’t be visiting the tunnel of Lovey.

While Cole and Juliet have drinks, he reveals that when he got divorced (!), he left his ex and child in the UK to follow a woman to the LA who ended up leaving him. Behind Cole’s laughter, there’s real heartbreak. Of course, the laughter returns a few seconds later, but the revelation gives Juliet pause; maybe Cole can be her Romeo.

At the Jungle Villa, nudity and laughter abounds. Juliet wants to see Cole’s vulnerable side again, so they leave the pool and head to the hammock. Which they promptly break, and laugh hysterically. Cole and Juliet talk and just when you think they’re destined for marriage, Cole does something silly and points his butt at Juliet, and she feels distanced from him again. I wonder if Cole uses humor to keep women at arm’s length so he doesn’t get hurt? Juliet goes to bed feeling disappointed.

Lovey and Sean head back to his room. And she’s looking to hook up, but he’s not into that. That’s okay, because we get to see how horribly sunburned Sean is; his back, chest and face look terribly painful. So I guess when you throw shade at your naked date, it doesn’t actually provide any SPF.

Date #3
Sean meets Jackie, who is adorable. That’s about it.

Dating Naked Episode 9Juliet meets Patrick. He’s hot and even his beard is awesome. Juliet is instantly attracted. Their date is riding a 4-wheeler and who doesn’t love an engine vibrating between your thighs while you press your body against another naked body? Juliet and Patrick are having a lot of fun getting dirty and are both buzzing on adrenaline.

After getting good and dirty, Juliet and Patrick dip in an amazing pool with an amazing view and they say amazing things, and drink amazing beer and share an amazing kiss. It’s…what’s that word?…Oh yeah, amazing. (But secretly, I’m still hoping Juliet ends up with Cole.)

Jackie and Sean are playing with super soakers. Actually Sean is playing with super soakers and keeps shooting Jacqueline her in the face and backside. And to raise the bar even higher on his douchbaggery, he throws his drink on her. Jackie reveals that she posed for Playboy and Sean is tries not to propose on the spot. She, however, is unimpressed by Sean and is still smarting from the squirt gun enema he gave to her earlier. Why does Sean think he’s such a prize?

That night at the pool, Cole shows up and looks dapper and apologizes to Juliet for being a naughty boy the night before. I think he really might be falling for Juliet. Patrick pays attention to Lovey, but Juliet is confident that Patrick will tire of Lovey’s treats and come back to her.

Dating Naked Epiosde 9Sean hangs out with Jackie and showers her with attention, but she looks like she’s rather be anywhere by here.The group does body shots off of each other. And Sean gives Jackie a terrible kiss, but I’m sure he’s thinking, “nailed it!” When Juliet asked Patrick to go hang out, he says no and gets cozy with Lovie in the pool.

Dating Naked Episode 9
Sometimes a frog turns into a prince.

Juliet is upset, runs away from the pool area and Cole chases her. (omg, omg!) Cole makes her feel better about Patrick being a jerk and tells Juliet that she’s a princess who deserves better. Before her eyes, Sean turns from the court jester into her knight in shining armor.

The next morning, Patrick apologizes to Juliet for disrespecting her, and Juliet tells him that she needs to respect herself. When she reveals that she has a hard decision to make, I want to shake her and tell her that this is the easiest decision of her life. COLE!

Selection Ceremony
At the ceremony, Sean picks Jacqueline. In a stroke of karma, she says no. He was too much of a jerk to her for her to want to pursue it any further. Burn! Maybe will learn to listen to his date, not push his date over when she’s in a zorb, caller her fat, or throw drinks on her.

Juliet has a harder choice (but not really) She was attracted to Patrick and had a fantastic date. But when he disappeared with Lovey, she was hurt. Juliet had a lot of fun with Cole too, but when she was hurting, he was there for her and Patrick wasn’t. And when she picks Cole, he is overjoyed. And I am overjoyed too!

Next week, we get to see the wedding ceremony of Ashley and Alika. Their ceremony will feature all of our favorite naked daters, and some of our favorite naked activities, like naked body painting and naked yoga. Remember how much fun that was in Episode 4? (If not, click here)

Want more Dating Naked?
Episode 1: Joe and Wee Wee
Episode 2: Steven And Taryn
Episode 3: Keegan and Diane
Episode 4: Chuck and Camille
Episode 5: Mike and Candace
Episode 6: Greg and Ashley
Episode 7: AJ and Liddy
Episode 8: Mike and Moenay
Interview with Dating Naked Host Amy Paffrath
Dating Naked Wedding Special

images © VH1

2 Comments

  1. Please I will like to know if you can provide me any kind of Lovey contacts I will to know if she can marry me i love her with all my heart she is the princess am looking for thanks a lot I will appreciate if u can help me fined her contact thanks

  2. Dating Naked is truly a waste of one’s time. I have noticed that the pretty blond host is never nude with the contestants. It seems to me that she should be nude at least some of t he time, much like the others are. Short of that, the location is well worth seeing. Thank God they have not blurred that out!

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