One Feud Goes Overboard! Recap: Little Women: NY, Episode 9 “Puerto Rico Fever”

Little Women: NY, Episode 9

When friends on reality TV fight, why is their solution always to go on vacation, or throw a party? Don’t they know that most of my fights happen on vacations or at parties?

Jason and Jazmin meet with the group after the tenseness of Dawn’s charity auction. Jordanna is notably absent; she’s made a lame “I’m not feeling well,” excuse. She’s still mad at Jason for underselling her picture of her lady-parts, and he’s still mad that she called him a coward for deciding not to move out of his parent’s house. Obviously, Jordanna really overvalues both her painting skills and people’s interests in buying painting of her va-jay-jay.

To get away from the NYC winter and the iciness between friends, Jazmin invites her friends to come to Puerto Rico where she spent a lot of time as a child. The entire group is headed to the airport and no one knows if Jordanna is coming or not. Because in reality TV world, semi-international travel can be made last-minute and people can be wishy-washy about coming to things, yet retain their friendships.

Puerto Rico appears wonderful. It’s bright, tropical, and I can feel the warmth through my TV. While the ladies triple up, Jason scores his own man cave. Jazmin, Lila and Dawn will be bunking together, and Misty, Jordanna and Kristin will spend the trip.

Little Women: NY, Episode 9Dawn is still pissed with Kristin and Misty for bad-mouthing her charity event. She didn’t want to sauce a scene that night, but she’s ready to talk to the girls and put the rudeness behind her. Does anyone else see how beautiful Dawn looks with the window behind her? She looks angelic!

Jordanna is still peeved that Jason sold her crotch painting for cheap. None of those paintings looked worth more than $5. And Kristin is still going on and on about the Charity event’s lack of appetizers. It was a charity event! Bringing a box of beaver plugs isn’t going to cover the bills, so stop acting so magnanimous, Kristin. Even when you go to a charity gala that costs a lot, you know you’re not going to get filet mignon and lobster.

Out on the beach, Lila is ashamed of her body. “I wish I’d had a few less cheeseburgers and a few more salads because bathing suit season snuck up on my ass … literally. It snuck up… and it’s in my ass.” Lila, you’re a riot, but you need to love yourself. Everyone wished they were a few pounds lighter and a bit more toned. When you love your self and accept you for your perfections and your flaws, so will others. Jordanna comes out and encourages Dawn and Lila to love themselves.

Little Women: NY, Episode 9
Oh no, she didn’t!

That night at dinner, Lila hears their waiter’s sexy accent and swoons. There is so much in-fighting at the table, that’s it’s funny that Lila — for once — is not in the middle. Bayne it’s because she’s the only one not drinking. Dawn and Kristin are still fighting over Dawn talking a big game and I’m so confused, and apparently, Jazmin is horrified. Misty, who was vocal about the gala’s lack of class, is as silent as a church mouse, even telling Dawn that the event was great.

Little Women: NY, Episode 9When Dawn tells Kristin, “Maybe if you had a degree and a profession, you’d be able to do nicer things for your community,” you know it’s a’comin’. Oh yes, Kristin’s drink goes a flyin’. And even more than that, she threw the glass too! As she’s throwing the drink (Wouldn’t it be ironic if Dawn was hit with a tequila sunrise?) Kristin is making the same face she made when she showed off her tazer. Once the drink is tossed, the night is basically over, but it’s really not, because just like after the burlesque incident, they stand outside on the street and talk about it.

Kristin can’t believe she just tossed a drink (Not just a drink, Kristin, an entire glass!) and calls everything that Dawn says, “Verbal Diarrhea,” but for some reason, Kristin and Jordanna are also mad at Misty for not standing up for Kristin. I’m puzzled by this… so when Kristin assaults Dawn, was Kristin supposed to go all Theresa Giudice and flip a table? Because we know how that turned out … (you know, prison and all.)

“I just froze.” said Misty. I froze too, because if I was getting called out for acting like a bitch, I would be so embarrassed, I would be speechless. But Kristin can’t let this go, and while she says that Misty is acting like a high schooler, it’s her who is being immature.

Next, they golf. Because that makes sense. They have no clubs, don’t know how to drive, and have never golfed before. What could possibly go wrong? Lila gets handsy with Jason’s rump for the millionth time this season and Misty is wearing jean cut-offs. When Kristin accuses Misty of not being a “real friend,” I wonder: are they friends? Misty is 23, Kristin is 38. They’re likely roommates because they’re on a TV show together. What do they have in common?

Little Women: NY, Episode 9
Friendships are rocky on the high seas

After they “Golf,” they go on a booze cruise. Kristin apologizes to Dawn for tossing a drink at her and when Kristin shadily turns the apology into accusation against Dawn saying “Don’t you get tired of being so harsh?” Dawn tells her that ever since her Mother died, she has no one. Her boyfriend travels the world, her parents are deceased, and her brother travels a lot. If things go wrong, she only has herself, This may explain why Dawn holds Jazmin at arm’s length, but how did Kristin Throwing glass at Dawn turn in to Dawn feeling a need to explain herself? Dawn calls her mom, “The love of my life.” But they make up.

Jordanna sees the girls make up and she wants her feud with Jason to be over. So she demands an apology, which always goes over well. Jason and Jordanna start yelling at each other and thank goodness they decide to do it on the bow of a boat. Safety first!We’ve been watching the promos all week, and the show has been pushing the next moments like speed, or crack, or something that pushers push, so we knew it was coming. Jason pushes Jordanna overboard.

Little Women: NY, Episode 9It’s so memorable, I’ll say it twice— Jason pushes Jordanna overboard!! She falls backwards, heels-over-head into the water (which the camera people capture perfectly… take of that what you will …) Jordanna should consider a career as a stuntwoman; her fall was pretty perfect. But my glee at seeing the long-teased moment in the flesh is short-lived. Jordanna has tubes in her ears and she can’t get water in them or she can go deaf. But the cruise turns into a SH!T show with the rest of the women running around yelling “What happened!?!” “Jordanna! Jordanna!” So the cruise is basically ruined.

Let’s count the Puerto Rican thing that this group’s drama has ruined:
1) dining,
2) golfing,
3) boating.

Later that night, Jason asks Jordanna to meet with him. He needs to get over her calling him a coward. If that word is an insult in the Filipino community, he should have explained that to her instead of holding a grudge. Jason starts crying and it’s awkward. But when a man cries, all fights are forgotten and before too long, Jason and Jordanna are BFFs again.

 Little Women: NY, Episode 9
You’re not in a Dr. Seuss book, so avoid “pink drink.”

The group’s last night in Puerto Rico (I’m not sure of this is still golfing, boating day) they get wasted at a club, which is likely a Senor Frogs, so the average age of the partiers should be about 16. Here are my tips:
1) If you’ve ever offered, do not drink anything served in an electric-pink shot glass. Those are always filled with bad decisions and crappy booze. You’ll be barfing out your nose later, guaranteed.
2) Avoid drinks that are measured by length as opposed to volume. A yard of anything is never good. Again, the booze will definitely be from a plastic jug.
3) If you are wearing hats made out of balloons and you are being followed by a camera crew, odds are a group of bumpkins will take pictures of you. They need to get some pictures to show their friends at Myrtle Manor’s beauty salon.

Kristin is driving me crazy. She’s still mad that Misty didn’t throw herself into the argument when Dawn and Kristin were fighting. But Misty pulls Dawn aside and admits that she was critical of Dawn’s charity event and apologizes. She acts like a grown up, who has class. Dawn accepts her apology, like a grown up, who has class. Nary a drink is thrown. Back at the table, Kristin isn’t satisfied and I have no clue why. I’m also confused as to why Jordanna is involved in this Kristin-Misty crap anyway. Didn’t she have her own fight? Maybe it’s the editing, but why is Misty taking this BS? Can we blame rum for all of this?

Finally, Jordanna tosses her napkin, grabs Jamzin and makes like Kevin Bacon…

KevinBacon_Let'sDance
Little Women: NY, Episode 9

All Little Women: NY images appear courtesy Lifetime Television, © 2015.

5 Comments

  1. This series of Little Women seems so much more scripted than Little Women LA…Can’t quite put my finger on why…But of all of them, I think Jason is the worst…

  2. I’m so glad you’re recapping this so I don’t have to watch it any more. After the Jordanna/Jason and Jordanna/Misty fights, I just couldn’t any more. Mighty funny that the craziest person from Little Women:LA is the most sane on this show.

    • It’s ironic that Lila — whom I initially thought was going to be a lightning rod — turned out to be a really supportive and concerned friend.

  3. Omg! That argument between Jason and Jordanna, then he “accidentally” pushes her in the water! At first, it was funny when it was shown on the commercial. But, when i think about it more, i thought, “what if she drowned or something? Or, like Jordanna said, she could go deaf if the water goes in her ears.” I think Jason went to the extreme. Does anyone else notice that they’re in their 20s-30s and they act like they’re in high school? Lol

    • I agree with you! When I first saw the clip, I thought, “LOL, woman overboard!” but then when I realized the potential for longterm health effects, I felt bad. Also, Jason mentioned in a throwaway line, “I don’t know how to swim.” Why was he not wearing a life jacket??
      And they are all acting pretty immaturely, which seems to be status quo for people on reality TV.

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