Posted by Ryan

Tonight’s Hurl! contestants will eat franks & beans, then take a ride on a mechanical bull. But what’s really great about this episode: It’s ladies night!!

Let’s meet the five lasses who are due back at the convent: Cassie, a hostess at an Irish pub; Erika, a criminal justice student; Megan, a receptionist at a gym; Kristin, a waitress at a barbecue restaurant; and Nicole, a journalism student.

The girls will start with cramming as much of the nine pounds of franks & beans (It’s organic!) as they can into their faces for five minutes. They’re wearing harnesses for the round of electric bull riding to follow. Cassie is the most talkative of the bunch, but she seems to struggle the most with the franks & beans. She’s eating around the franks, and when she finally eats one, she has to spit it out. I’m a little disappointed in this round. The girls don’t make much of a mess. They hold their hair back so it doesn’t get into the food. They use their utensils politely. They don’t remove any clothing.

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Posted by Ryan

Contestants on this episode of Hurl! will try to down up to 10 pounds of hot dogs and take a whirl in the spinning Round Up.

Let’s meet the five guys who really want to date your daughter: Mike, an after-school programs assistant; Nick, who works at a computer lab at an elementary school; Sammy, a clothing designer and drummer for a punk band who delivers pizza in his “spare” time, if by spare he means 50 hours a week; Chris, an AV equipment installer; and Erik, a U.S. Marine who looks like a slightly bad-ass Neil Patrick Harris.

The guys dive into the hot dogs (They’re organic!! What? Do they even make organic hot dogs?) and they can wash it down with root beer. In a contest like this, is it just best to eat the “meat” and leave the buns? It’s all based on weight, and it’s not like these guys are competing with Kobayashi. Erik, the Marine, says he can’t eat a lot at once and has a weak stomach. Great, another poorly cast contestant. Mike’s mom is there to cheer him on (plus, she had to drive him there). Seriously, Mike looks like he’s 13. Nick gets the first Hurl Warning after only eating one hot dog, and he pretty much concedes. A loser in life, and now a loser in Hurl!

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Posted by Ryan

Our latest edition of G4’s Hurl! goes back to the playground, with contestants pounding the PB&J sandwiches and going for a dizzying ride on the merry-go-round.

Let’s meet the five gastronomes competing today: Miguel, a student who once streaked at a bowling alley; Pedro, a student and part-time caterer; Aaron, a student and part-time barber who just had his wisdom teeth pulled out earlier this week; Tony, a U.S. Navy chef; and Clark, a coffee barista who wants to host a TV show. That’s pretty much a cross-section of L.A. right there. We should mention that Miguel, Pedro and Aaron are buddies. Not sure if they’ve made some bargain on sharing their winnings.

Each guy has five minutes to put down as much of the 15 pounds of PB&J (it’s organic!) in front of them. They’ll wash it down with milk (it’s organic!). Why do I have images of that one milk commercial … you remember, the “Aaron Burr” one?

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Posted by Ryan

Five contestants will slurp down wonton soup and dim sum and then ride the Megaloop, sort of a roller coaster that just goes in one big endless vertical loop.

Let’s meet the five guys who couldn’t cut it as carnies: Benjamin (”Dallas”), a filmmaker; Willis, an actor/producer; Jacobus, an acrobat whose dream job is being a hobo; Ryan, a waiter and aspiring tattoo artist; and Eddie, a dental assistant.

I’m pulling for Jacobus. We share the same career aspirations. The guys start soupin’ it up for five minutes. I’m a little surprised that more guys aren’t just gulping straight from the bowl. They’re wasting a lot of time with spoons. Ryan gets the first Hurl Warning!, but he recovers quickly … until he gives out a little squirt of soup that doesn’t even register on the Bucket meter. It counts as a hurl, and it’s the saddest, weakest hurl the series has seen yet. Ryan claims he has a “small stomach,” making him the perfect contestant for this show. He’s wasting everyone’s time! No soup for you!

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Posted by Ryan

The five contestants will chow down on broccoli and cauliflower in cheese sauce, then ride The Octopus.

Let’s meet the five future congressmen competing today: Greg, a background actor and college student; Brian, an employee at skateboard shop; Theo, a UCLA physics student; Thomas, a construction worker and aspiring firefighter; and Jeff, a lifeguard.

So the guys have five minutes to work on the 13 pounds of broccoli and cauliflower (it’s organic!) in cheese sauce (not so organic), washed down with milk (it’s organic!). Greg uses Technique #18: The Cattleprod, which really is nothing more than giving a little elbow poke. (Is stabbing opponents with a your fork an acceptable strategy?) Jeff’s hair annoys the hell out of me. It’s a spike do, but it’s like a 12-year-old’s spike do if this were 1989. All that’s missing is the rat tail at the back. Jeff is also an obnoxious punk-ass. He talks too much, he yells stuff, he belches. They should put contestants in a room alone with this guy to see who’s last to hurl.

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Posted by Ryan

So Hurl! hasn’t quite proved to be the pukefest we were all anticipating. Maybe the tide (and the stomach) will turn with the latest installment, “NASA NAuSeA.” I get kind of nauseous just looking at that title.

The contestants will each put away chicken pot pie and then take a whirl in Human Gyroscopes. Let’s meet the five enterprising Angelenos who showed up just for the free meal: Jon, a hotel concierge; Mike, a freelance production coordinator/former Marine combat swim instructor; Justin, an insurance auto appraiser; Dominik, a student/aspiring stuntman; and Tremaine, a standup comedian.

After some very weak, uninspired smack talk from the contestants, they start chowing down on chicken pot pies (They’re not organic? The hell?) for five minutes. Jon goes into Technique #3: The Face Plant on his CPP. Mike goes with Technique #12: The Scoop, while the other guys seem to prefer Technique #2: The Fork. Dominik, however, hates CPP and probably wants to quit. There’s one audience member, the guy yelling “Eat it! Eat it! Owww! Owww!,” who is using the Annoying Bearded Douchebag technique. Tremaine breaks out a new one, Strategy #57: The Joker-Choker, to try to get the other guys to laugh and throw them off their game, and follows it up with S#27: Gross-Out. You sense that Tremaine really wants the Iron Stomach.

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Posted by Ryan

So, come back for more Hurl!, have you? You sicko.

Let’s meet the contestants for the second installment, “Flamethrowupper”: Chris, a cable guy; Bob, a waiter/musician; Logan, a window washer; Duy, a beach bar host; and Ryan, a college student and pizza delivery man.

These guys will face seven pounds of cream of spinach soup. But apparently, no one really told anyone about the rules (Rules? What rules?), because Chris just dives into the soup hands-first before the clock even starts. Relax, Chris, you’ll have plenty of time to make an ass out of yourself. The contestants will be washing their soup down with milk (it’s organic!). Some choose to use the spoon, others use their hands, and Bob just decides he’s going to pour the soup straight into his mouth. Chris prefers Technique #71: The Double Shovel.

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Posted by Ryan

The Washington Post calls it “one more sign of the decline of Western civilization” and “for people who found Fear Factor much too nuanced and intellectually complex.”

Damn straight I’m watching it. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to Hurl!

G4, the network for prepubescent boys and 30-year-olds who still think like prepubescent boys, starts off the series with the episode “Balls of Hurl.” Tonight’s episode features five contestants eating loads of mac ‘n’ cheese, and then getting strapped in for a dizzying roll inside big cage Balls of Hurl.

Let’s meet the contestants. As you’d expect, they’re all guys with not much else going on right now and probably desperately need the $1,000 prize for rent: Sina, a waiter at a hookah bar; Johnny, an out-of-work actor; LJ, a women’s shoe salesman; Fernando, an auto parts manager; and Andrew, a civil engineer and self-professed “wildest guy” in his office.

The competition begins, and they dig into the 11 pounds of mac ‘n’ cheese (it’s organic!) in front of them and wash it down with some orange soda.

Sina gets the first Hurl Warning!, but he employs Strategy #6: The Vent (or “belching,” in the common parlance) to make a little more room in his belly. Back to the mac!

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Posted by Ryan

Not disgusted enough by the gastronomical excesses of competitive eating contests? Then see if you’ve got the stomach to handle G4’s new reality competition series Hurl!

This half-hour series, premiering July 15 at 9pm ET, has all the gluttony of your standard speed-eating contest, but adds a twist. Following their fill-up with food, the engorged contestants have to do a challenge designed to test the very limits of the human esophagus — carnival rides, bungee jumping, high diving, mechanical bull-riding or anything else that will get them green about the gills. The last one to lose his or her lunch wins cash, the Iron Stomach Award and serious bragging rights. (Dignity, however, can never be won back.)

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Tags: Hurl!, TV News & Program Updates by Cubicle QB
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