Dance Moms recap Season 5 Episode 4: What’s My Age Again?

Dance Moms Season 5 episode 4 Abby bangs

Déjà vu all over again, Dance Moms faithful. Jojo’s back. Kalani’s back. I’m back. We’re going back to Woodbridge, VA. Anybody else besides me starting to tick off how fast the years are going by not by our own birthdays but by how quickly we return to Virginia? And New Jersey. And Ohio. Oh please let us return to Ohio. If I have to come back to this, so do you, Cathy Nesbitt-Stein. We start out with Abby sporting some serious Something About Mary bangs … …and then with some pretty tough news. Nia’s Grandpa Frazier is on borrowed time … Continue reading

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The Bachelor: Episode 4 recap: Bachelor virgins are revealed

The Bachelor: Episode 4 recap: Bachelor virgins are revealed

“Full moon, full craziness,” serves as the most accurate statement ever made about Episode 4 of The Bachelor, which could have been easily titled “The Bachelor Virgins Episode.” Things got pretty wild this week with Prince Farming (Chris Soules) and his group of potential wives. The first date card calls for the girls to “do what feels natural,” and six lucky ladies are called to meet Chris on his outdoorsy date. The girls meet Chris at a lake, or as Kelsey, the whiner, calls it, “a mucky pond,” where some of the daring few opt to jump around topless. So … Continue reading

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Branson Famous episode 5 recap: The Brangelina of Branson

Megan hearts blush

Tonight’s episode of Branson Famous, “The Brangelina of Branson,” could be alternately titled, “Megan Loves Blush.” Seriously, you guys, what even is going on here? More on that later. The show starts with Patty and Tim talking in the car about how something is holding Brandon up from proposing to Megan, and Patty denies it’s her. (Reality check, Patty: It’s you. Actually, it’s probably not really you, but Brandon and Megan think it is, when in fact it’s probably them. There’s a whole psychological thing going on here, but I lack the credentials to diagnose this further, so I’ll just … Continue reading

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Jane the Virgin Chapter 11 recap: Daddy Drama

Jane the Virgin Chapter 11 recap: Daddy Drama

On “Chapter Eleven” of Jane the Virgin, Jane is faced with  a life-changing decision before the baby arrives. With her assistant teaching position coming to an end, Jane gets the good news that they’re offering her a full-time position. They even offer to keep Jane’s spot for her once she returns from maternity leave. Everything seems to be going to plan with her life — until Jane meets with her father on set. He too has a surprise for Jane —he has arranged for his daughter to intern as a writer for his hit telenovela! Since Rogelio didn’t ask Jane if she wanted … Continue reading

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Shameless Season 5, Episode 3: “The Two Lisas”

Shameless Season 5, Episode 3: "The Two Lisas"

Oh, wow, things are certainly blowing in Gallagher land this week! Frank & Shelia: Frank decides to try and sell his beer and is on the search of finding buyers. With his first order in, he realizes his brewery is too slow and is trying to find ways to get it going faster. Trying steal some stuff from a scrap yard he is busted by the owner so he barters Sammi out as a trade since the only thing he needs is a woman for the night. Sammi, not knowing she is being pimped out, agrees to go out on a … Continue reading

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Misery for all: Downton Abbey Season 5, Episode 4 recap

Misery for all: Downton Abbey Season 5, Episode 4 recap

With the exception of the final scene, which offers a ray of hope, this is one depressing episode of Downton Abbey. Everyone is mired in individual misery, and some plot points look as if the characters will have to suffer quite a bit more. For a handsome man, Thomas Barrow (Rob James-Collier) had been looking ghastly. His color was bad, and during a servants’ lunch he mentioned he had to visit his dying father. The story sounded mendacious, but who would question this? Later, Baxter (Raquel Cassidy) finds him, sick, and espies his drug paraphernalia. Wretched because he is gay … Continue reading

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Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People recap: Birdy Get Your Gun

Alaskan Bush People

On Season 2, Episode 4 of Discovery Channel’s Alaskan Bush People, “Birdy Get Your Gun” (Jan. 23), the Brown family searches for food in the woods and faces stiff competition with bears for resources. With the family low on food, Birdy and Gabe go out to hunt deer. Greetings Bush People peeps. My tour of duty in the Television Critics Association conference in Los Angeles is over, and I’m back in the bush of Wisconsin, where it is cold and gray, our cars are caked in road salt, and football fans are sad and/or angry. Now, back to the bush … Continue reading

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Dance Moms Season 5 episode 3 recap: The return of JoJo

Dance Moms Season 5 episode 3 recap: The return of JoJo

We’re only three episodes into Season 5 and the Christi/Kelly conflict seems years away, doesn’t it, Dance Moms nation? Especially considering Holly’s meltdown(s) last week. Surprisingly, Melissa (looking at the floor and cleaning her teeth with her tongue) actually pipes up right out of the gate to find out how “Holl” is after last week’s “you’re only promoting three kids” throwdown. At least we got Melissa to look away from Abby’s-ass-kissing the cue cards, now we just need to work on her, “I care/I’m empathetic” voice. Holly, the moral pillar of our program, starts off the show in her nasal-iest … Continue reading

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The Bachelor: Episode 3 recap: Jimmy Kimmel takes over, makeout sessions mounting

The Bachelor: Episode 3 recap: Jimmy Kimmel takes over, makeout sessions mounting

Jimmy Kimmel takes over Episode 3 of The Bachelor (original airdate Jan. 19), and he absolutely rocks it. Thank you Jimmy Kimmel, thank you. The episode begins with Jimmy waking up Prince Farming (Chris Soules) and surprising the Bachelor with a cup of coffee … how nice. Jimmy then goes to the house of the “sister wives” and declares that the only way to pick who is right for Chris is for him to “[make] love to each one of you.” Jimmy also creates a new house rule: Every time the word “amazing” is said (and believe me, it’s a … Continue reading

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Branson Famous episode 4 recap: Small Town Fame

Branson Famous episode 4 recap: Small Town Fame

This week’s episode of Branson Famous, “Small Town Fame” starts on a predictable note, with Megan unable to hide her jealousy of Heather. She remarks to Heather that she and Patty are getting along well, and Heather’s comments, “I really, really, like, care for her deeply,” and “we’re just kindred spirits.” Those remarks alarm me .. a bit. Who talks about her boss that way? (Secretaries on Mad Men. That’s it, though. Really.) At any rate, Patty and Heather DO seem to be getting along well (though I don’t feel like their relationship is genuine), and this sets Megan’s jealous … Continue reading

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