Melissa Gisoni | Channel Guide Magazine

“Dance Moms” recap: You’re (Un)dead to Me!

June 13, 2012 | By Lori Acken
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So, Dance Moms Nation, did everyone go out and buy themselves a bike-a-tard to futz with since we hung out last? No? Me either. I wanted to, but apparently bike-a-tards are not appropriate office attire, even when all you do is write about TV. Even if you dress it up with a jacket and some pumps. Um, if any of you try that, could you please take a picture and Tweet it to me? @ChannelGuideLLA On with the episode. Abby is clearly not over the general disaster that was last week’s trip to Cali because she gets on the girls [...]

“Dance Moms” recap: The More They Stay The Same

June 6, 2012 | By Lori Acken
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Everybody remember where we left off in April? Maddie stumbled. Chloe soared. Abby bent over, let us see her shake her tail feathers — then hightailed it outta Jersey in shame. Everybody good? Before we begin, quick moment of silence for Hubby Rik who got his priorities goofed and is working right now instead of patrolling the Pitt Crew for swears and apologies. I guess he will just have to read the little missus’s recap to find out what happens, now won’t he? Or maybe I’ll wait up for him and act the whole thing out. • Missed the episode? [...]

“Dance Moms” finale recap: Behind Barres

April 4, 2012 | By Lori Acken
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And so it ends … with another come-from-behind triumph for Chloe, a day of reckoning for Abby, an applause-worthy lecture from Dr. Holly and a ballet instructor who looks like Robert Goulet. But, it doesn’t end for long, since all-new eps will be back in June — and so will Abby despite her tearstained little hissy-pissy tonight. Mark my words. We ended last season — and several episodes this season — thinking Maddie and Mac might not be back, and there they were without a mention of The Troubles come the season 2 premiere. We may see Abby being fanned [...]

“Dance Moms” recap: There’s Just One Me In Team

March 28, 2012 | By Lori Acken
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Does anyone else besides me remember how we were feeling when we reached the eleventh episode of Season 1? The Maddie-versus-Chloe showdown had reached a fever pitch, with the two duking it out onstage in a stunner of a Black Swan duet, battling for solo supremacy, and about to face off in the competition of their lives. No, not Nationals. Noooo, not for a spot in the Joffrey ballet school. Not even for the top of the all-hallowed pyramid. Nay, they were throwing down for a spot in a music video for a girl named Lux! Turns out we were talking [...]

“Dance Moms” recap part 2: A Big Baby Wrote Me A Letter

March 22, 2012 | By Lori Acken
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Aaaaaand we’re back. At the halfway mark, we’re finally in Chicago at the Co. Dance competition and convention, and — if Abby is to be believed — unofficial gathering of the Abby Lee Miller fan club, which is everyone. Sadly, she has traded out my dearly beloved lip necklace for a set that looks like slices of a bright blue geode formed themselves a chain gang for committing a crime of fashion. • Missed part one? Read it here. Yep-per, this does appear to be one fancy-pants competition. The stage is beautifully appointed and lit, which will make a nice change [...]

“Dance Moms” recap part one: Ode To A Whole Bunch Of Clowns

March 21, 2012 | By Lori Acken
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Oh fer the … First Lifetime takes away the next-day full-episode video on their own website and now it’s gone from iTunes and Amazon, too? And just when I was starting to enjoy being able to exchange the laptop for a bowl of popcorn (snackies AND missiles that can be launched at Abby without harming the flatscreen!) and call the play-by-play come morning at my desk. A fistful of greasy kernels in your general direction, Lifetime. You guys know my memory’s not that good. Cough up those shows. In any case, I’m guessing this one may have a laundry list of [...]

“Dance Moms” recap: Bra Ma Bull

March 7, 2012 | By Lori Acken
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I actually lost sleep last night thinking up titles for this episode’s blog, for there was so much from which to choose — not the least of which of was Cathy proclaiming her husband “The Sausage King of Canton.” “My Beef With Jerkies” was a close runner-up. But for all the hoopla with “Chloe In The Dried-Meat Cat Suit” — easily Cathy’s biggest vengeance victory yet — it was pretty hard to ignore the “I See London, I See France-tastic”-ness of those “Topless Showgirl” outfits Abby dreamed up for the group dance. Which — if you’ve been watching Dance Moms [...]