By Lori Acken

Well, huh.

Apparently the mother lode of excitement that was the recent Bachelorette — what with its bragging girlfriend-haver Wes, toe-lovin’ Tanner, controversial winner Ed, and a host of relentlessly returning cast-offs — was just a little too much for ABC.

It’s the only reason I can think of to explain why — after taunting us Bachelor faithful with potential promises of Romeo-in-blue-jeans Reid or Ken-Doll-come-true Kiptyn as Season 14′s one for the roses — they up and settled for snoozy, milquetoast, tattletale Jake.

Jake.

C’mon now, Alphabet — and sorry Jake’s mom — but surely you know this here is the kind of guy us girls, even us good girls, even us girls who didn’t have boys lined up on our doorstep, ditched out on the minute someone else came courting?

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Categories: Reality TV, TV News & Program Updates by buttonknows
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Tags: ABC, Button Knows, Jake Pavelka, Kiptyn Locke, Lori Acken, Reid Rosenthal, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette

By Lori Acken

Because I seem to like to admit things at the start of these buggers …

I’ll admit it. When I first read the not-so-good news about victorious Bachelorette-slayer Ed and his purported cheating (and total cheesebag) ways, I was crestfallen. I love my little dark-haired duo. I love that Big E ‘n Li’l Jill seem happily on their way to a Windy City version of Trista and Ryan’s patented (and, thus far, unduplicated) happily ever after.

Instead he, well, he f**kin’ disappointed her, to quote our little sailor-mouthed singleton whilst on the cusp of her betrothal.

Or did he?

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Categories: Reality TV, TV News & Program Updates by buttonknows
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Tags: Bethany Steffen, buttonknows, Ed cheats on Jillian, Ed Swiderski, Jillian, Jillian Harris, Lindsey Johnson, Lori Acken, The Bachelorette, Us Magazine

By Lori Acken

My prediction? Ed and Kiptyn be damned (or be the next Bachelor) — Jillian chooses no one.

Or — since we’ve already been treated to that particularly irritating outcome a few seasons back, courtesy of Bachelor Brad Womack — maybe an old Vancouver-based beau returns in next Monday’s finale to sweep her off her feet.

Or maybe she decides that dream dating the dapper duo ain’t such a bad life and continues the competition off-air.

That’d be a new one, too.

In any case, with exactly one successful union under its belt in 17 cumulative seasons, The Bachelor/ette franchise obviously does not require matrimony as the key to its success … so anything that could feasibly be chalked up to “The Most Dramatic Final Rose Ceremony Ever” should suffice, as long as it draws viewers and enrages bloggers. Right?

Right on.

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Categories: Reality TV, TV News & Program Updates by buttonknows
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Tags: ABC, Bachelorette finale, Button Knows, Ed Swiderski, Jillian Harris, Kiptyn Locke, Lori Acken, Reid Rosenthal, The Bachelorette, Wes Hayden

By Lori Acken

Bachelorette fans, if you’re like me, you long ago passed the, “Well, DOES he or DOESN’T he?” thing about ol’ Wes The Silver Tongued Maybe-Not-A Bachelor and his waitin’-at-home alleged girlfriend, and moved right on to “Who the hell is she, and why isn’t she pissed?!”

Well, we finally know who the hell she is. And why she isn’t pissed. And if you’re picturing some sweet little Austin-grown posey in a flowery dress and cowboy boots who, like Jillian, is completely snowed by her man’s tender tunes … well … not so much.

Before she spent three years with Jilli’s favorite eye-and-ear candy, 29-year-old Austin-based spa owner Laurel Kagay also dated Season 11′s infamous commitment-phobe Bachelor Brad Womack, an Austin bar owner, for four years — sending the blogosphere into a frenzy with rumors of everything from daily texts from Womack during filming to a love child borne to Kagay about which neither speaks.

One revelation that’s definitely not conjecture: the Texas heartbreaker also dated Austin-based businessman Collin Evans, an unsuccessful contender for the heart of Season 3 Bachelorette Jen Schefft.

Personally, I think the girl seems like a hoot … and one savvy bachelorette to boot, since she suh-wears she and Wes are no longer together. Helloooooo, TB producers … ? Just imagine whom her 5 Extra Men could be.

Categories: Reality TV, TV News & Program Updates by buttonknows
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Tags: Brad Womack, Button Knows, Collin Evans, Jillian Harris, Laurel, Lori Acken, The Bachelorette, The Bachelorette Laurel, Wes, Wes and Laurel

By Lori Acken

First of all, just let me say that you, Jillian Harris, are my kind of girl.

I didn’t catch enough of last season’s The Bachelor to get much of an impression of the freewheeling Canadian, whom — despite having what appears to be a nimble mind, open heart and giddy willingness to do any number of things that might mess up her hair and run her makeup and not involve the bedroom — might have forever gone down in Bachelor/ette history as the cheery chick with the goofy hot dog theory and mad hot-tub-lovin’ skills.

I am glad she did not.

Because having witnessed the tongue-firmly-in-cheek aplomb with which our Jillian sassed her way through that god awful obligatory G-rated Poster Queen Montage (scoring herself some kick-ass swimsuits and a date with a sweet purple vintage convertible in the process) topped off by her accessorizing her killer white frock o’ greeting with a ton of hearty COOL!’s, RIGHT ON!’s (my favorite phrase!) and the declaration that her favorite band is the uberuntrendy Nitty Gritty Dirt Band (mine, too, Jilli-girl! Mine, too! RIGHT ON!), I knew I had found me a Bachelorette at least I could love forever. No matter what the Beef du Season ultimately think about her.

And outside of a couple who had clearly come to the party to shill their manwares to a zillion TV viewers as much, if not more so, as the bachelorette herself (I’m talking you Billbro/Greg and Second Hand Kyle), they seemed to think about her a lot and ain’t afraid to let it render them completely daft.

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Categories: Reality TV, TV News & Program Updates by buttonknows
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Tags: ABC, Billbro, buttonknows, Jake, Jillian Harris, Juan, Kiptyn, Lori Acken, The Bachelorette